"Now, I have papers, but I do not have peace." KC's Story
“No one goes anywhere alone, least of all into exile — not even those who arrive physically alone, unaccompanied by family, spouse, children, parents, or siblings. No one leaves his or her world without having been transfixed by its roots, or with a vacuum for a soul. We carry with us the memory of many fabrics, a self soaked in our history, our culture; a memory, sometimes scattered, sometimes sharp and clear, of the streets of our childhood, of our adolescence; the reminiscence of something distant that suddenly stands out before us, in us, a shy gesture, an open hand, a smile lost in a time of misunderstanding, a sentence, a simple sentence possibly now forgotten by the one who had said it.” (Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of Hope)
Her Routes and Roots is a series on journeys of displacement undergone and told by young women, focusing on their resilience and pivotal moments of strength. Stories are drawn from in-depth narrative interviews conducted during Her{connect}Her, a global voice program by Footage Foundation.
KC: I did not go to school, but I learned how to sew.
A lady came to my family and told my mom that she wanted to help me develop more in my work. I was quite happy, because I really needed to develop to help the family.
So, they took me to Italy… That was my first time coming out of my village.
The first time she brought a man for me to sleep with, I said, “No, I am not going to sleep with any man. It is not what you told me… I need to go back.”
She said, “Nobody will hear you outside even if you are inside shouting. Remember, the more you shout, the more you get tortured. So, it is better you comply.”
I would not accept it. I am very strong for that… [A man] told her that I refused… She started beating me.
[To the guards], she said, “Use her as an example, so that the other girls will learn our lesson, so that she will not behave like that.” And, they beat me up… I fell sick. I did not go out to sleep with any man for the time being, because I was tortured.
Afterward, she threatened me and said, “Next time, if you do not do what I ask you to do, I will go to your family. I will kill all your family.”
I said, “No, I need to save my family no matter what… Let me die instead of my family.” So, I started going out with anyone they asked me to.
The last man she brought for me to sleep with took me out… I started begging him.
“Can you help me out? This is not what I chose to do in my life.” … I had a rosary my mom gave me. I always put it in my bag. I brought out my rosary bead and showed him.
He said, “I am a Catholic as well… We will help you out.”
He took me to a church. The priest came.
I told him, “I’m really, really in danger.” I showed him all the scars I had.
They took me from there to Ireland. They said they had to take me to a safe place.
They admitted me in the hospital, because I was sick.
Photo by Ali Richards
I kept telling them, “This is not what I want. I want to go back to my country, Nigeria, to see my people, to see my parents.”
They said, “You are not healthy. After treating you, you can go back to your country.”
I was there in Ireland for three and a half years.
After everything, they flew me back to Nigeria.
When I tried to go back to my family, [a reverend] said [my captors] were looking for me, from Italy to Nigeria.
They set fire to my family… When I got the news, I looked for somewhere to save myself. But, I did not really want to be alive. I wanted to die with my family… They died because of me.
From there, somebody helped to bring me to be safe in the U.K.
The immigration man that I met said, “We have to put you where you will be safe.”
They put me in prison (detention).
I kept asking, “What? I did not do anything. I came here to save my life. I came here for help.”
I was there for one month.
I did not know what was happening. I found myself there with the help of a mental health team, with the help of a counselor, with the help of friends, with the help of lots of organizations… All I knew was that I was having help from one place to another. But, what I really wanted was my family.
They put me into the asylum process… Now, I have papers, but I do not have peace.
Seeking asylum is like someone in the cave; it is another torture. - KC in her digital story
But, you have to move on. You have to leave the past and think about what you want to be in the future. I chose to go to school… When I go to school and acquire knowledge, I have to help people in mental health. I need to do it, so that people in that situation will know a way to come out.
When I listen to people’s stories that have similarities with me, I keep asking, “How did you cope? How did you do that?”
And, they say, “Through going out with organizations, making friends, putting everything that happened to you aside.”
It is not easy to put it aside. It can never go away. It will be there forever.
In my thoughts, I said, “I think there is something that will help me move on.” … I started with making my hair. I started wearing lipstick… Before you can overcome those things, you have to love yourself… I looked in the mirror…. and said, “Wow, I did not know that I am beautiful like this. I did not know that I am still alive. There is goodness that will come out of my life.”
Watch KC's digital story she created while participating in Her{connect}Her.
Photo by Ali Richards
To support some of the thousands of women and girls in situations like KC around the world, and Footage's work; raising voices to elevate lives, please visit: www.footageproject.org/invest.
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